About Me Malaysian, Kuala Lumpur, Aries, loves red, hates cockroaches, big money spender, financially broke,
loves the clouds during daylights and the stars when night falls, i don't have anyone special, yet, so email me...(ask me).
Sometimes I do feel annoyed. With my family. Not to the point where I hate them and want to throw stones at them, but just enough that I’d be happy to stay away from them for a long, long time. I love them unconditionally, but they tend to annoy me whenever I’m in the same room or in a close proximity.
Ok, I lied. Sometimes I want to throw stones at their car so much. I figured by then I will calm down and can face them without having to yell nor screaming murder.
Yes, in my family, we love to scream and yell at each other. Love it so much that we are the noisiest household on our street.
Sometimes I wished that I can magically be somewhere else.
Sometimes I over-analyse things that happened to me. Or to my family and friends. I kept relating it to my wrong doings. What you give, you get back.
Karma is a bitch.
So last Thursday my mom had a stroke. Paralysed the whole left side of the poor woman. It was fortunate that in my line of work, I can get off to go home and tend to her. Helping her set up a new routine, get her meds, go see doctors and alternative plans to expedite her recovery.
Last night, as I laying in my bed, I was thinking. Was it because of me that God punishes my mom like this? For being gay, for having too much fun, for drinking, for about to ruining a marriage (I’ll get to it later). And then I cried.
A couple of friends calmly said that I am not responsible for this when I told them. God doesn’t pay much attention to hell resident like me to fuck up my mom like that. She had a stroke because God wanted to test her. Is she strong enough in this world to face all the tests before she becomes a permanent ticket holder to ride the highway to heaven?
Yeah. Right. Whatever.
Not that I don’t believe it. I do. In a way. But what bothers me was the way they say it. I know they meant well, but by saying that, you are also saying that God is a sadist. Not in the sexual context but in a way where for one to get rewarded with heaven, one is to get tested with some incident/disease or whatever.
I don’t want to think about this anymore.
I should stop over-analysing things and keep my focus to ruining a marriage.
Oh and the doctor treating my mom is one hot muscular yumminess in lab coat. I want to strip down and let him do thorough body exam. With that big package in his tight black pants.
